From Southern Belle to A Hot Mess

I'm beginning to realize that there's a reason why football is a "mans" sport. Maybe us gals really are just supposed to make the food for the tailgate and serve it on our cute little team platters, find the perfect outfit to wear, coordinated to team colors, of course and go to the concession for refills to guarantee the "boy" won't miss a second of the game. Maybe us women just aren't built for it. I realize most women aren't physically made to play the game of football, but this football season I have realized it's taking a toll on me and I've never stepped foot on the field. Well not literally, because I was a cheerleader, so I have been on many football fields, but I'm talking about actually playing the game.

We are two weeks into college football and one week into pro football and I probably look like I've aged 10 years. The stress from the games is already taking a toll on me. At this rate, I'll have black circles under my eyes and new lines on my forehead by seasons end  from being continuously tensed up for hours, and I'll have wrinkles by the time I'm 30. This amount of stress is just not ok for a woman. We are supposed to be perfectly put together and look "simply gorgeous" and by the end of a  football game I am anything but put together or gorgeous.

During a game, I think I actually start to act like somewhat of a man. If you have ever seen a man watch a football game, it is serious business, especially if they are anything like my husband. You will be scared for your life, from the other end of the house, because of a sudden outburst of explicit language and threats to players. He will catapult from his recliner and be pointing at the television. And the yelling doesn't just go towards the players. Referees (or zebras as the hubs calls them) and announcers are open targets for this scolding, as well. All of these things I have started do to do but in a girly way, of course. Well I have always done them, but just not to the extent that I do them now.

I have always been a really intense sports watcher. I clap a lot, jump out of my seat and scream really loud. The only problem is I don't always do it at the right times. I'll give myself credit for knowing a good bit about what's going on in a football game, but I have my moments where I don't realize exactly what's going on. For example, not realizing there was a "holding" in the back field really makes me look like an idiot. I will be so excited bc I think a big play has just occurred. Then when I finally calm down, I realize everyone has been staring at me acting like a fool for the last 30 seconds bc the whole big play is bogus and we actually lost yards instead of scoring the touchdown. I have a mild big case of the "Pre-mature Enthusiasm for the Play Syndrome" or "P.E.P.S" as I like to call it for being too PEPpy.. yes i just made that up.. Moving on... In other words, I will think something big is about to happen and be "clanging" my cowbell like a crazy person then nothing happens. And this happens very often because I have the pleasure of following the two most frustrating teams in the nation, Mississippi State University and the New Orleans Saints. But hey, at least I get into, right?

I don't think people realize the emotional roller coaster us girls go through during one football game. If we knew all of the little things to look for, such as clipping or holding (ugh I hate holding), like boys do, it may really help out our stress levels. But we didn't play football or spend a trillion hours of life behind an xbox playing Madden, therefore we do not know what each type of play is just by looking at how they are lined up, and do not know what's about to happen when the play is run. Boys already know what's about to happen, therefore they can save their excitement/anger for the individuals who made the play happen or ruined it. Us girls have to watch the whole play unfold not knowing whether or not it's going to work beforehand, so our stress is double that of a boys on every play. These are the situations where my "P.E.P.S" kicks in.

This amount of stress really causes me to act unlady like, and us southern belles are not supposed to be anything but ladylike. By the end of games, I have found myself screaming, sometimes cussing, at players, coaches and "zebras" for what I think (like I know) is a bad play or call. I've sat down and pouted for half of a quarter bc Kendol made me feel stupid when I was having a case of the "P.E.P.S." and he simply tried to explain to me what really happened. I have blisters on my hands from my cowbell and have probably hit a few people with it, not on purpose, of course. I have knocked a guys sunglasses off of  his head with my long, uncontrollable arms from excitement and they have landed ten rows down (yes this really happened).My shoes are off and my clothes are covered in mine and everyone around me's drinks. I've consumed an order of nachos with jalapenos and two bags of boiled peanuts, whose shells always end up in the seat of the guy in front of us (so he can sit on them.. this may or may not really happen).  My voice is non-existent and all traces of make-up have long been gone... All due to the stress of the game.

This is why I say it's a man's sport because by the end of the game, I have acted like and probably even look like a boy (besides having on a dress) and all I want is a beer. My stress level has reached outer space and I've knocked atleast a year off of my life. I have gone from a perfectly put together Southern Belle to an Absolute Hot Mess, but, I wouldn't change it for the world, because I love it!! I just need a few days in the spa afterwards to get myself back in order.

Football didn't use to be this stressful, but now that I know Mississippi State and the Saints can win it's a whole different ballgame!

And don't even get me started on my current endeavor into "Fantasy Football." I was voted "best draft" by yahoo, of the eight teams in our league. I lost my first game to a team that didn't even have two of its players playing and I had the second to lowest points in the league... Please explain.

Maybe on Thursday I should take before and after pics for proof.